I’m writing about my ongoing recovery from a brain injury for two reasons:

1. To challenge myself cognitively to aid my recovery and get back to work

2. To share my learnings to help other people suffering from this condition

This is post #1 of a short series covering my journey and learnings. Even if you haven’t had a brain injury, I’ve discovered a bunch of long-term health insights that you might find interesting. If you want to hear more, subscribe below!

Disclaimer — I’m not a doctor, and everything I’m writing is for informational purposes only. It’s not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, and shouldn’t be relied on as health or personal advice. My experience is just one datapoint, so if you’re recovering from a TBI know that your mileage WILL vary.

Origins

I’ve been a fairly type-A person my whole life, with a career spanning investment banking, founding a venture-backed startup, and working on the growth team at a well known tech company. I’ve also been super adventure-driven my whole life, having visited places such as Everest Base Camp, the Arctic Circle, Yellowknife, and North Korea (all in winter)!

Everything changed in February this year when I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), aka concussion, during a Muay Thai sparring session. Only thing was, I didn’t know it at the time. I felt a light ‘pulling' sensation in the left-rear side of my head, but otherwise had no symptoms. Over the next few days, I had a sneaking suspicion that something might be wrong as I felt the same sensation a few times, but I had no other issues so I thought, “Ah whatever, it’s probably nothing.”

I had no real symptoms of a concussion for weeks.

Two weeks later, I was reading a book when I suddenly realized I couldn’t make sense of what I was reading. I was able to follow each individual word with my eyes, but I couldn’t understand what the sentence meant.

I went to a doctor who said, “Yeah you’ve got a concussion, but it’s pretty minor and it’ll go away in a few days.” Alas, it did not, and later that week my nausea and headaches got a lot worse. One day while going for a walk, shit hit the fan. I got extremely dizzy and nauseous, and after going to Urgent Care I was admitted into the Emergency Room.

I told my manager I’d only need a few days to recover (haha…), and that I’d be back at work the following week. Here I am nearly five months later 😐, still on disability leave and not yet back at work.

This ordeal has by far has been the most difficult period in my life.

A quick primer on concussion

A concussion is a form of TBI that happens when the brain bounces around or twists in the skull, creating chemical changes in the brain (and sometimes stretching and damaging brain cells). This is typically caused by head impact or whiplash, and as in my case, you don’t need to lose consciousness to have a concussion.

The majority of people who have a concussion recover fairly quickly, however it’s estimated that between 10-40%1 of people will still have symptoms after three months. If you’re looking at that range and thinking it’s about as wide as an F450 King Ranch - you’re not wrong. And with that, you have an intro to an unfortunate truth in concussion land:

When it comes to evidence-based medical knowledge around concussion recovery, it’s an A-grade clusterfuck.

It’s not the medical community’s fault - they’re learning as quick as they can. The brain is a pretty wild thing that we still don’t know a lot about, and concussion is still a relatively nascent area in terms of research.

Nonetheless, if like me, you still haven’t recovered 2-3 months after injury, you’re then diagnosed with Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS).

Living with a brain injury is tough

PCS is often referred to as an ‘invisible’ injury. Despite what’s going on inside, I look totally fine on the outside. Unlike being on crutches, which buys you sympathy from strangers, if people see me visibly struggling they just look at me in a confused way.

My physical symptoms

PCS has been pretty debilitating in my case, and over the course of my recovery I’ve had a number of symptoms:

• Nausea

• Dizziness

• Noise sensitivity

• Blurry vision

• Fatigue

• Headaches

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Acid Reflux

• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Yes - turns out you can have a whole range of Gastrointestinal (GI) issues caused by a concussion…

Some of my symptoms have mostly faded over time (headache, fatigue, IBS, anxiety, depression), while a few are still very persistent today (nausea, dizziness, noise sensitivity, blurry vision, acid reflux).

The two conditions caused by my concussion that have driven most of my symptoms are Vestibular Dysfunction, where the body’s system of balance and spatial awareness is off, and Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) Dysfunction, where the nervous system gets stuck in the “fight or flight” response.

My emotional challenges

Early on, I felt like I was flying completely blind, which was pretty upsetting. I was confused about whose advice to follow, as there was a lot of conflicting advice between my doctors and online experts in the space (a lot of what I’ve since discovered to be ‘accurate’ is counter-intuitive). The uncertainty has also been really tough at times - both in terms of the speed of my recovery, as well as the extent to which I’ll recover. I’ve had to accept that I may not like the answers to these questions, and ultimately they’re out of my control.

Not being able to take care of myself has also been brutal. For quite a while I relied on my (amazing) girlfriend to help manage most aspects of my life, as even the simplest of activities was too much for me. I now have so much more respect and empathy for folks who are disabled, as well as their caretakers.

Serious disability can feel like you’re trapped in a neverending nightmare with no way out.

I’ve also found my social life has taken a big hit. A lot of conversation triggers my symptoms, and having people visit the house has often been too much for me. I needed to be away from people, and I became quite withdrawn in the process. I’m doing my best on this front, but I still find it really challenging to be outside in the world. Having to cancel travel plans and miss weddings and other important events is also no fun...

My progress

The first 1.5 months (March → mid April)

For a while I couldn’t use my brain for even a few minutes - no screens, reading, listening to music, or in-depth conversations. I’d also get super dizzy and couldn’t really walk or do basic tasks at home. At my worst point, I was avoiding showering because it would make me feel sick for the rest of the day…

I started making good progress after beginning vestibular physical therapy, and was rapidly able to do more and more. I was beginning to feel a lot better and even thought returning to work wasn’t too far off. But then out of nowhere, it all came crashing down - over a two-day period in April I pushed my body too hard, and while going on a walk my symptoms were through the roof. I was back to square one.

The next month (Mid April → mid May)

On top of my previous issues, I now also had a bunch of new GI issues, as well as some pretty intense anxiety and depression. In some ways, I felt worse off then when my recovery began. I was struggling to accept what had happened and the reality that recovery would take a lot longer than I’d hoped. I also had a lot of fear that I’d never get better - when you’re suffering so much every day, it’s hard to see how the pain will ever go away.

I was making very slow physical progress at this point. I knew I had to do something about my emotional state, and through a lot of internal work I was able to shift my perspective and be at peace with the situation. This did not come easy, and I’ll talk more about how I did this in a later post.

The past two months (Mid May → today)

As my depression and anxiety decreased, my symptoms started to improve. I’ve steadily been able to do more both physically and cognitively. Progress has been month-by-month and week-by-week, as opposed to day-by-day. I’m now able to work out at about 90% intensity; I can do most things around the house; I can drive short distances; and I can write posts like this.

Having said that, I’m constantly working around my symptoms. I still can’t walk more than ~10 minutes at a time, and the exercise that I do can’t involve much movement - think machines instead of free weights, stationary bike instead of running.

I still struggle with crowds and loud noises - I’ve started doing grocery shopping on my own, but it’s a major challenge (I feel like I’m walking into a warzone everytime I step into Costco). Group social settings are also tough and often too much for me, particularly if lots of people are talking around me.

I limit screen time and cognitive tasks, both in terms of total hours a day (currently ~ 4 hours), as well as how much I can do in one go (currently ~ 1 hour).

BUT, it’s progress!

Why I’m grateful as fuck

It’s taken me a minute to get to this point emotionally, but I’m super grateful for this experience.

I’ve been forced to really slow down in a way I never have before. Not being able to do anything led me deep into introspection and meditation (I even did a 7-day silent retreat!). I feel like normally it’s so easy to just avoid and bury our really difficult emotions and distract ourselves through our preferred choice of poison - mindless scrolling, workaholism, Netflix, alcohol and drugs, the list goes on. With a brain injury, you can’t do any of these things, and there’s really no way out other than to go through. I had no choice but to stop fighting reality, and instead work on changing my relationship with reality and my emotions. More on this in a later post.

I also feel like I have a newfound appreciation for basic things that I’ve always taken for granted. Being able to read, listen to music, drive, and do my own grocery shopping are not guaranteed - they’re gifts. There’s a lot I still can’t do, but I’m so happy because of everything that I can do.

In the next post, I’m going to walk through what’s worked for me and what hasn’t. I’ll be covering lots of cool insights across topics such as diet, exercise, managing emotions, breathing, and much more. Subscribe below to hear from me once it’s out!